someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
wow bdsm is so cute
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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