Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
