Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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