did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
