It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can you bring me the toilet please
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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