his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
