i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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