had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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