Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
