Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
