The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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