new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
