I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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