also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
