yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
