Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
