I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
