...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
