You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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