puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
