i already hear my dad disowning me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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