Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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