I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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