No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
