Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
