Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
