I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
