My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So much rum. So many feels.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
