saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
