I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
