I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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