fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
