Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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