I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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