His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
