This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
