The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
