how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
