Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
