drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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