You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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