My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
