I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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