Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
