2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
