I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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