Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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