LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
