I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
