Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
