check it out our google latitudes are spooning
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My ATM looks so different sober.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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