So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
