I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
