So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
