dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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